Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
