This house was built for laser tag.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
