what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
