With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
