I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
