guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
this will be a night to untag.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
