So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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