i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
