dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
