I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
