wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
