I feel like abortions should bother me more
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
