When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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