covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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