I'm laying in your front yard are you home
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
