I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
