My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
