Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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