i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
