You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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