If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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