Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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