the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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