I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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