Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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