i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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