I'm so fucking centered right now
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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