A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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