if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
