I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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