Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
