So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
