Betty ford says i'm here all night
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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