I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
