Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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