Have you finally orgasmed yet?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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