can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
