I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A+ Viking dick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
that is very illegal...i love you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
