She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
