sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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