she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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