Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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