Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
