so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Girls should come with a carfax report
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
