Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
