he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
