And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
