listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
