Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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