there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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