I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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