So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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