I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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