i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
